National Bubba Day

June 2 is a day that will go down in infamy.

National Bubba Day is celebrated across the United States each year on June 2nd.

I'm not joking. Look it up.

In a nation that hides from its transgressions with things like Dancing with the Stars and American Idol, this is a perfect distraction. Never you mind the facts about the wars or the homelessness in America or "economic recovery" really meaning consumers going further in debt - Tuesday is National Bubba Day.

Granted, it's an "unofficial" holiday - banks will be open and you will receive your mail - but it is just another shining example of how we Americans are desensitized to the goings on around us.

So to all of those named, nicknamed or just sometimes called “Bubba” I raise a mason jar as a toast. CHEERS!

Happy National Bubba Day!

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Oh The Coming Joys of Summer

Well the weather is warming up and more and more people are making their way outside to romp and frolic. And some go out of their way to make damn sure they look good doing it. At least in their mind anyway. Most of the time they come off looking like complete retards.

Case in point: Bicycle helmets.

Used to be back when I was a kid, only the "special" kids wore helmets when they rode their bikes. It was usually the kids with the training wheels or the tricycle with the big basket in the back. The fucking booger eaters and mouth breathers. The stuttering freaks and the kids that always tripped on their shoelaces even when wearing slippers.

Oh and lets not forget the fat girls that wear shorty shorts and skin tight tank tops with no bra. Im talking about the girls that look like the friggin' Michelin Tire Man and just let that shit flop where it can. The kind of girl that when she walks, the cellulite dimples in her chafing thighs remind one of a warmed up lava lamp.

And speaking of the ladies, we now get to see the feet. Now I'm a toe sucker from way back but LADIES FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER YOU HOLD DEAR - do something with them nasty, gnarled, disgustingly misshapen feets. Here's a fucking hint: If your feet look like you can swoop down from the sky and snatch your lunch out of a river...a pedicure would certainly be appreciated.

Now don't think I forgot about the men of summer. Oh no these lovable lugs hold a special place in summer fun. Admit it ladies, there is nothing sexier than a shirtless man with a big sweaty beer belly. Especially one that likes to hug.

Pretty soon beaches will be opening which will grant us a variety of sun burned, greased up, scantly clad, disgusting people of all sexes, shapes, sizes and colors. We will see Bermuda shorts and polo shirts, and we will also be graced with the ever popular "sandals and socks" look.

Now that we are on the subject of footwear, what rant about the joys of summer would be complete without the mention of flip flops and fucking crocs. Oh these two items alone are enough to entice a Bishop to kick out a stained glass window.

What the fuck are you people thinking? It seems that the world outdoors in the summer is turning into one great big Walmart experience. There is just some shit that cannot be unseen, no matter how hard you try and no matter how much alcohol is consumed. I notice myself, as I grow older, don't give a shit about my appearance either. I'm a t-shirt and shorts kinds guy but I DO have my own fashion presence I grace people with. But, as usual, I have a way to make EVERYTHING I wear look cool.

And THAT"S what it all about when all is said and done.

So the way I see it, we can go through this beautiful upcoming summer two ways. We can pretend to be cool, a phony fraud seeking the approval of others or (this is MY preference) We can say fuck it. I am what I am and if you don't like it you can piss off.

Life is too short trying to please everyone. Its impossible no matter how hard you try, you will ALWAYS rub someone the wrong way. That's life. Fuck people who look at you because you might be acting strange, or weird or a bit crazy. Just remember, this has limits too. There's a big difference between a guy wearing a pink bunny costume dancing down the street and  a guy wearing a pink bunny costume dancing down the street chopping people up with a bloody axe.

Some Personal Observations

Its no secret we live in a backwards society filled with all kinds of different wonder. Really its a miracle more people dont just walk up to others and give them a firm shake to try and wake the up from whatever funk they put themselves in.

And this is why there are so many comedians out there. The world provides us with an endless stream of material. All one needs is a critical thinking mind, which is something that the educational system we have been indoctrinated in since birth has attempted to destroy.

There's a reason why most successful comics were horrible students and class clowns. We were bored to tears with the traditional teachings. We saw humor in watching the slower kids, the nose pickers and droolers, try to muddle through a paragraph when it was their turn to read aloud. We saw the world for the fucked up place that it truly is. We saw people as the disgusting creatures that we all are.

My first observation is on the incredibly amount of stupid people living in the world today.

Borderline knuckle draggers amazing me that they can actually survive without bumping their heads on everything. More evidence of this is usually pronounced abound any given election. Oh if you just pull yourself out of the equation and just look at all the ants at war with each other.

The candidates that run for office are bad enough but the voters...THIS is where the fun is at. The arguments. The insults. The outright lies. The bullshit. It's all very entertaining and would be even funnier if the results of these elections weren't so destructive on our society and the world in which we live. Political hyperbole is also peppered with religious insanity giving the entire voting process a one-two punch that leaves us all scratching our heads when its all done.

But in all fairness we are not COMPLETELY dumb as a society. We do have our thinkers. Our scientists. Our entrepreneurs. I think what's funny is, is that we live in a world that gives us Neil deGrasse Tyson and Honey Boo Boo and a petri dish of everything in between.

I try my damndest to step away fro political and religion-speak but its so frustrating and difficult at times. I am by no means the brightest bulb on the bush so when I see someone dumber than me, I just have to shake my head and pity the poor bastards. I run into this a LOT on Facebook - the breeding ground for stupidity.

Oh the bullshit we see. The falseness. The loneliness. There are a LOT of pathetic people out there folks and the scary thing is that they all have an opinion. Apparently their opinions are the only correct ones and that everyone else is wrong and just a bunch of dumb old poopy pants people that are destroying their world.

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Winter Sucks

Winter is my least favorite of the seasons. Sure it gives us the holidays and when snow first falls it looks pretty unless you are stuck out in it somewhere, but even so, the holidays bring with them over commercialization and the dreaded insanity of black Friday deals and the snow, after it remains on the ground for a while turns into a dirty, icy, sloppy mess.

And now it is March. We are now in the last grips of winter and Spring is right around the corner bringing with it a fresh set of challenges. Things like (for me) putting together my outdoor space. Grill area, sitting and dining area, must think of music AND how and if I plan on planting a garden this year. OH and the bugs. I HATE fucking flies, gnats and other annoying creatures so I see me going to war with them soon enough.

I must say that winter in The Ozarks, although mild by Chicago standards, suck because no one here does a damn thing when the snow falls. Im not just talking about sidewalks, Im talking about streets. Ice and packed down driven over snow that the town just says "fuck it" to. But all in all I will gladly take winters down here as opposed to the shit storm up north I dealt with for so many years.

So we are looking at Springtime coming. The rebirth of things, when trees come back to life and the critters do their "dance of love."

But there are folks that are not as well off as I find myself. My mother-in-law lives in Boston and I dont think that shit's going to melt much before June.

So stay warm knowing that better days are ahead and we made it thorugh yet ANOTHER winter.