The Donald Trump Zoo

Carlos Wetback and his family look forward the the opening of the Trump Zoo

Washington DC - Today Donald Trump gave in to Liberal demands and is reuniting Mexican children with their criminal parents by creating the Donald J. Trump Zoo to immediately be built in El Paso, Texas.

"The people have spoken and I have listened." said Trump in a mid-morning press conference. "It is the goal of the United States to make these people feel as comfortable as possible and this zoo enclosure puts them back in their natural habitat."

The zoo will be called Borderland and will not only provide a haven for immigrant criminals to remain with their children, but will be entirely self sufficient through ticket sales to curious American citizens that has never seen one up close before, providing much needed employment opportunities and revenue for border towns previously devastated by the Mexican Invasion. "During the eight years of Obama, they swarmed like locust" said one area resident. "Within two years time Trump has Made America Great Again."

Construction will begin immediately and should be completed in time for the July 4th Independence Day celebrations.

Read more here:

Trump Cures Cancer!

BREAKING NEWS out of Washington today as President Trump scores yet another accomplishment by discovering the cure for all forms and types of cancer.

Scientists at the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, AZ. say that it was the Presidents outstanding control of  healthcare in America and abolishing a disastrous Obamacare that provided the push that research needed to find the cure. A collective round of applause was heard all over the world with this life-saving discovery.

Democrats could not bear this tremendous, humanitarian news and have taken to the streets in efforts to "Save the Melanoma."

More HERE

ATTENTION STONERS

Programming on The Erb

The Erb is an ever evolving entity and what you hear today can be entirely different from the programming you will hear a month from now. I will interject more of my own podcasts as well as the work of others that I find worthy.

The genres I will be featuring are comedy, paranormal, wrestling, crimes and punishment and personal achievement. I am revamping old shows and characters that I developed such as The Debtonator and Fed Up American and I will also be developing new content with Reverend Zesty.

The latest original creations are two daily shows. The first is Morning Motivation which can be heard at 7AM CST. The show features the likes of Tony Robbins and others. (Tony is my favorite. Can you tell?) The second show is titled Marijuana Happy Hour and it can aptly be heard at 4:20 every afternoon.

Other shows include Beyond Reality Radio with Jason Hawes of Ghosthunters, The Sarcastic Seniors, The Married Man Show, The Joe Rogan Experience and The Stone Cold Podcast. This week Steve interviews Lucha Underground superstar Vampiro! DO NOT miss this episode.

I'm always looking to meet the needs of my audience and if you have any programming suggestions, drop me an email at themightyerb@gmail.com and I'll do my best to meet your needs. (Cash donations can speed the process up a bit)

We're also going to be shooting some video and I will let you know more about that in a later post.

Be sure to show your love and support for Intellectual Coitus content by visiting The Marketplace located here.

Until next time!!!

Peace!

The Time Is Now

Intellectual Coitus has finally taken a direction and what was been simmering in my cranium for the last several years.

The Erb Broadcast, still in its infancy, held a steady and respectable number and listeners during it first weeks, without really much promotion other than on Facebook. I used the time to form a pretty solid foundation to build from. Setting up the studio for audio and video cost a few bucks but I made wise purchases and kept my start up costs low. I could have even just started with what I already had, considering that most of the content sucks in the beginning anyway, but I wanted some quality in the product. Nothing worse than the best joke or tidbit of information that is difficult to see or hear, right?

But I think the real reason I invested in this project financially is to have a pound of flesh in the game. I did it to change my mindset ever so slightly. You see, I want to make that money back. And then some!

So here we are.

Allow me to paint a picture of my vision for you to better understand what the fuck Intellectual Coitus is all about.

Intellectual Coitus is a multi-platform website that explores the musings and personalities of Dave Capra - America's Best Freelance Writer, under the character umbrella of Reverend Zesty, an Atheist

Minister with a sharp tongue and rapier wit.

The content is available through blogs, podcasts and videos, on the Intellectual Coitus website and promoted across the internet, developing an ever increasing audience that gets the benefits of great entertainment, with topics including but not limited to, comedy, self help, paranormal, professional wrestling, entrepreneurship and more comedy!

Yes, I want to get people laughing again. Stop the nonsense and hate. Lighten the fuck up already and laugh. At yourself, at others, ANY topic is fair game. Sorry but I happen to find life funny. I see humor in all of it.

And this will come through in the content produced by Intellectual Coitus.

Intellectual Coitus is an ever evolving and developing entity. Always looking to make our audience experience better and better with each show.

So come along. Like and comment on this post. Follow us on social media.

(https://www.facebook.com/myintellectualcoitus/)

Help us grow. Let's do our part to bring back the good time.

Molly on Halloween

Just trying out the new apps

Hit A Guy With My Car (Explicit)

National Bubba Day

June 2 is a day that will go down in infamy.

National Bubba Day is celebrated across the United States each year on June 2nd.

I'm not joking. Look it up.

In a nation that hides from its transgressions with things like Dancing with the Stars and American Idol, this is a perfect distraction. Never you mind the facts about the wars or the homelessness in America or "economic recovery" really meaning consumers going further in debt - Tuesday is National Bubba Day.

Granted, it's an "unofficial" holiday - banks will be open and you will receive your mail - but it is just another shining example of how we Americans are desensitized to the goings on around us.

So to all of those named, nicknamed or just sometimes called “Bubba” I raise a mason jar as a toast. CHEERS!

Happy National Bubba Day!

America's Best Resumes - The Job

I just created an new ad for one of the many services that I provide that keeps this old train chugging down the tracks. Check it out and let me know what you think.

Oh The Coming Joys of Summer

Well the weather is warming up and more and more people are making their way outside to romp and frolic. And some go out of their way to make damn sure they look good doing it. At least in their mind anyway. Most of the time they come off looking like complete retards.

Case in point: Bicycle helmets.

Used to be back when I was a kid, only the "special" kids wore helmets when they rode their bikes. It was usually the kids with the training wheels or the tricycle with the big basket in the back. The fucking booger eaters and mouth breathers. The stuttering freaks and the kids that always tripped on their shoelaces even when wearing slippers.

Oh and lets not forget the fat girls that wear shorty shorts and skin tight tank tops with no bra. Im talking about the girls that look like the friggin' Michelin Tire Man and just let that shit flop where it can. The kind of girl that when she walks, the cellulite dimples in her chafing thighs remind one of a warmed up lava lamp.

And speaking of the ladies, we now get to see the feet. Now I'm a toe sucker from way back but LADIES FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER YOU HOLD DEAR - do something with them nasty, gnarled, disgustingly misshapen feets. Here's a fucking hint: If your feet look like you can swoop down from the sky and snatch your lunch out of a river...a pedicure would certainly be appreciated.

Now don't think I forgot about the men of summer. Oh no these lovable lugs hold a special place in summer fun. Admit it ladies, there is nothing sexier than a shirtless man with a big sweaty beer belly. Especially one that likes to hug.

Pretty soon beaches will be opening which will grant us a variety of sun burned, greased up, scantly clad, disgusting people of all sexes, shapes, sizes and colors. We will see Bermuda shorts and polo shirts, and we will also be graced with the ever popular "sandals and socks" look.

Now that we are on the subject of footwear, what rant about the joys of summer would be complete without the mention of flip flops and fucking crocs. Oh these two items alone are enough to entice a Bishop to kick out a stained glass window.

What the fuck are you people thinking? It seems that the world outdoors in the summer is turning into one great big Walmart experience. There is just some shit that cannot be unseen, no matter how hard you try and no matter how much alcohol is consumed. I notice myself, as I grow older, don't give a shit about my appearance either. I'm a t-shirt and shorts kinds guy but I DO have my own fashion presence I grace people with. But, as usual, I have a way to make EVERYTHING I wear look cool.

And THAT"S what it all about when all is said and done.

So the way I see it, we can go through this beautiful upcoming summer two ways. We can pretend to be cool, a phony fraud seeking the approval of others or (this is MY preference) We can say fuck it. I am what I am and if you don't like it you can piss off.

Life is too short trying to please everyone. Its impossible no matter how hard you try, you will ALWAYS rub someone the wrong way. That's life. Fuck people who look at you because you might be acting strange, or weird or a bit crazy. Just remember, this has limits too. There's a big difference between a guy wearing a pink bunny costume dancing down the street and  a guy wearing a pink bunny costume dancing down the street chopping people up with a bloody axe.

Some Personal Observations

Its no secret we live in a backwards society filled with all kinds of different wonder. Really its a miracle more people dont just walk up to others and give them a firm shake to try and wake the up from whatever funk they put themselves in.

And this is why there are so many comedians out there. The world provides us with an endless stream of material. All one needs is a critical thinking mind, which is something that the educational system we have been indoctrinated in since birth has attempted to destroy.

There's a reason why most successful comics were horrible students and class clowns. We were bored to tears with the traditional teachings. We saw humor in watching the slower kids, the nose pickers and droolers, try to muddle through a paragraph when it was their turn to read aloud. We saw the world for the fucked up place that it truly is. We saw people as the disgusting creatures that we all are.

My first observation is on the incredibly amount of stupid people living in the world today.

Borderline knuckle draggers amazing me that they can actually survive without bumping their heads on everything. More evidence of this is usually pronounced abound any given election. Oh if you just pull yourself out of the equation and just look at all the ants at war with each other.

The candidates that run for office are bad enough but the voters...THIS is where the fun is at. The arguments. The insults. The outright lies. The bullshit. It's all very entertaining and would be even funnier if the results of these elections weren't so destructive on our society and the world in which we live. Political hyperbole is also peppered with religious insanity giving the entire voting process a one-two punch that leaves us all scratching our heads when its all done.

But in all fairness we are not COMPLETELY dumb as a society. We do have our thinkers. Our scientists. Our entrepreneurs. I think what's funny is, is that we live in a world that gives us Neil deGrasse Tyson and Honey Boo Boo and a petri dish of everything in between.

I try my damndest to step away fro political and religion-speak but its so frustrating and difficult at times. I am by no means the brightest bulb on the bush so when I see someone dumber than me, I just have to shake my head and pity the poor bastards. I run into this a LOT on Facebook - the breeding ground for stupidity.

Oh the bullshit we see. The falseness. The loneliness. There are a LOT of pathetic people out there folks and the scary thing is that they all have an opinion. Apparently their opinions are the only correct ones and that everyone else is wrong and just a bunch of dumb old poopy pants people that are destroying their world.

Leave your stupid comments below but support the show by checking out the sponsor below.

The Intellectual Coitus Deal of the Day!

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Forget layaway which makes you wait for your money and the customers wait for their product. We are an immediate gratification society, we want our product and we want it NOW! You can offer a Bad Credit/No Credit finance option to your customers and get your money UP FRONT! Give financing to your customers that would allow them to split the purchase of your product or service into small monthly payments. We can do this without the lengthy and arduous process of applying for credit or other financing programs.

Our 3, 6, or 12 month "Payday Express Plus" with "ADVANCE FUNDING" has become the single most exciting and fastest growing service that we have had the pleasure to roll out! Never before has a check-based financing program offered you the opportunity to be paid UP FRONT!

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Winter Sucks

Winter is my least favorite of the seasons. Sure it gives us the holidays and when snow first falls it looks pretty unless you are stuck out in it somewhere, but even so, the holidays bring with them over commercialization and the dreaded insanity of black Friday deals and the snow, after it remains on the ground for a while turns into a dirty, icy, sloppy mess.

And now it is March. We are now in the last grips of winter and Spring is right around the corner bringing with it a fresh set of challenges. Things like (for me) putting together my outdoor space. Grill area, sitting and dining area, must think of music AND how and if I plan on planting a garden this year. OH and the bugs. I HATE fucking flies, gnats and other annoying creatures so I see me going to war with them soon enough.

I must say that winter in The Ozarks, although mild by Chicago standards, suck because no one here does a damn thing when the snow falls. Im not just talking about sidewalks, Im talking about streets. Ice and packed down driven over snow that the town just says "fuck it" to. But all in all I will gladly take winters down here as opposed to the shit storm up north I dealt with for so many years.

So we are looking at Springtime coming. The rebirth of things, when trees come back to life and the critters do their "dance of love."

But there are folks that are not as well off as I find myself. My mother-in-law lives in Boston and I dont think that shit's going to melt much before June.

So stay warm knowing that better days are ahead and we made it thorugh yet ANOTHER winter.

Marijuana and Me - A Love Story

Can someone please tell me how this is even a topic of discussion still.  A law born of racism, marijuana prohibition has been the destroyer of lives since its inception in the 30 bringing us the wonderful folks of the Federal Bureau of Narcotics and their poster boy Harry J. Anslinger.

Prohibition of a plant.

What is it about this innocent enough looking and rather pretty flower scares so many lawmakers? Its rather obvious that marijuana consumption is nothing new and I would venture to conservatively guess that 3 out of 5 people in America actively smoke marijuana or at least used to and could give a fuck about who smokes it now.

So what’s the problem?

How could anyone reasonably put this in the same classification as heroin, cocaine and meth? I’m thinking that someone’s not doing their homework. I’m think that if a government is elected by the people and for the people yet fail to provide the public what they want, well, some people need to be replaced by people that will.

I have seen great strides in recent years, surely making more progress than I thought I would see in my lifetime, but it needs to happen faster for me. After all, I sure as hell am not getting younger with each tick of the clock and I would like to enjoy it without the added benefit of diapers and dementia.

And I hear what you’re screaming, relax I’m not deaf, I KNOW there are some states I can go to where it IS legal and I have seriously been looking at Colorado. If I’m gonna pull the trigger on THAT one, Reverend Zesty needs to start having some pay days. It seems freedom isnt really free.

It’s hard for the public to take seriously a law that says marijuana and heroin have exactly the same “high potential for abuse,” since that ignores the vastly more addictive power of narcotics, which have destroyed the lives of millions of people around the world.

So I will continue to be a criminal in the eye's of law enforcement, even though they seem to have issues of their own as evidenced by this video.

Cop rolls a kid for a quarter, goes home and makes pot brownies and freaks the fuck out because he ate too many of them. Fuckin' rookie. PROVING that people even in revenue - I mean LAW enforcement have no clue what marijuana is, does and how it works. EDUCATE yourselves. END MARIJUANA PROHIBITION NOW!

*******

Speaking of the police...In light of events that continue across America regarding unarmed citizens being murdered by trigger happy cops, I have been offering a book that I wrote a few years back called: "To Serve and Protect? - MY ASS!" Im offering it up FREE of charge to all my Rev Heads. STAY SAFE folks. BE SMART!

21st Century Slave Traders

I have never really been the type of person to fit in with societal norms. Nothing ever appealed to me about the born, schooled, military, shit out a couple of kids, work at a job they hate, retire and die modality. On the contrary, I normally make it my business to do the exact opposite.

Those that DO go with this type of lifestyle choice are traditionally the most miserable, hateful and frustrated people I have ever met. Do you think there could be some correlation between the choices they make and their miserable existence?

People are so caught up in making a living that they forget how to design a life.

It used to be, a long ass time ago, that people such as my grandparents immigrated to America chasing their dreams. America was once the land of opportunity (STILL is IMO) and EVERYONE had a specific skill they used to support their family. My one grandfather was a tailor and the other was a mason by trade. They both lived by the creed of "spend a nickel and save a dime" and worked their trade while the wives stayed home and raised the kids and took care of the house.

They survived being a one income family. It was a much simpler time. So what the fuck happened What happened was greed. The times they are a changin' as Bob Dylan sang.

Leave your comments below

The Ledge

I just saw a movie called The Ledge with Sons of Anarchy's Charlie Hunnam. This movie came out a few years ago (2011) and I dont exactly know how I missed it.

It is about an Atheist battling a Christian about morals and life values that ends up with the Christian going crazy (or more crazy than he appeared) and giving the Atheist a life or death choice in how much he valued his beliefs.

Good movie as entertainment but I felt my blood starting to boil regarding the subject and the pomposity of Christians and other religious fucking whack-a-loons thinking they are superior with their fictional beliefs over the Free Thinker Realist.

For those who haven't seen this movie let me say that the  premise is that Hunnam's character (The Atheist) is neighbors with a Christian couple and starts fucking the wife (played by Liv Tyler). Good Christian woman turned out to be a fucking nymphomaniac that was being sexually repressed by her two thrust done missionary lame fuck of a Christian husband.

Hubby finds out mainly because wife and heathen did nothing to try to hide their affair and kidnaps wife and threatens to kill her if her lover doesnt jump off a ledge at the stroke of noon.

I HIGHLY recommend seeing this movie.

February Issue Is Out!

The Intellectual Coitus magazine (eZine) is out and anyone interested in a copy need only send an email to revzesty@gmail.com

FREE OF CHARGE

This is the premiere issue and is meant as an accompanying piece to this blog, The Reverend Zesty blog, the podcast and the videos that I do.

Leave me a comment

Back When I Was A Kid

Back when I was a kid, growing up in the 60‘s, we played in the dirt and created our own entertainment. We didn’t need to spend hundreds of dollars on the latest video game or iPhone, we were quite happy with a ball or even a stick. We had real, flesh and blood friends that we laughed, cried and fought with and we had each others backs. We had dreams. We had hope for our future.

We were fucking INVINCIBLE!

Slowly reality changes our views of the world and as I age I find myself saying shit my parents said. Terms like “the good old days” and “when I was your age” creep into your vocabulary.

Now our bodies rebel against us, becoming vengeful for a youth of abuse with jumping off of things we shouldn’t have been jumping from and the daredevil prat falls  we used to take. Our body has learned to talk to us through a combination of aches, pains and noises it never used to make before 40 years of age. THAT seems to be the age when shit started going downhill, the age I discovered I could no longer read a Trivial Pursuit card without the use of a magnifying glass or bifocal lens.

Oh how the times have changed. Everything around us, things are going fucking looney tunes crazy and it just keeps getting worse and worse with every passing year. People are walking around carrying guns - like in the old west - just waiting for someone to cut them off in traffic or look at them funny...or maybe just be different so they can draw down on them, always ready for a good ole shoot-em-up.

What the fuck happened? Why the hell do people feel the need to carry a gun with them? In all the years of my life - and I have been in some touchy situations - I can never think of one time where looking back, having a gun would have helped.

Not once. EVER!

But I get how people are afraid right now. The world we live in has become a scarey and unpredictable place, I get that, but STILL I cant imagine EVER getting myself in a position to warrant gun play.

Even when I see a growing number of afraid, armed people walking around.

Leave your comments below but first, show your love and buy a coffee mug.

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