The Time Is Now

Intellectual Coitus has finally taken a direction and what was been simmering in my cranium for the last several years.

The Erb Broadcast, still in its infancy, held a steady and respectable number and listeners during it first weeks, without really much promotion other than on Facebook. I used the time to form a pretty solid foundation to build from. Setting up the studio for audio and video cost a few bucks but I made wise purchases and kept my start up costs low. I could have even just started with what I already had, considering that most of the content sucks in the beginning anyway, but I wanted some quality in the product. Nothing worse than the best joke or tidbit of information that is difficult to see or hear, right?

But I think the real reason I invested in this project financially is to have a pound of flesh in the game. I did it to change my mindset ever so slightly. You see, I want to make that money back. And then some!

So here we are.

Allow me to paint a picture of my vision for you to better understand what the fuck Intellectual Coitus is all about.

Intellectual Coitus is a multi-platform website that explores the musings and personalities of Dave Capra - America's Best Freelance Writer, under the character umbrella of Reverend Zesty, an Atheist

Minister with a sharp tongue and rapier wit.

The content is available through blogs, podcasts and videos, on the Intellectual Coitus website and promoted across the internet, developing an ever increasing audience that gets the benefits of great entertainment, with topics including but not limited to, comedy, self help, paranormal, professional wrestling, entrepreneurship and more comedy!

Yes, I want to get people laughing again. Stop the nonsense and hate. Lighten the fuck up already and laugh. At yourself, at others, ANY topic is fair game. Sorry but I happen to find life funny. I see humor in all of it.

And this will come through in the content produced by Intellectual Coitus.

Intellectual Coitus is an ever evolving and developing entity. Always looking to make our audience experience better and better with each show.

So come along. Like and comment on this post. Follow us on social media.

(https://www.facebook.com/myintellectualcoitus/)

Help us grow. Let's do our part to bring back the good time.

February Issue Is Out!

The Intellectual Coitus magazine (eZine) is out and anyone interested in a copy need only send an email to revzesty@gmail.com

FREE OF CHARGE

This is the premiere issue and is meant as an accompanying piece to this blog, The Reverend Zesty blog, the podcast and the videos that I do.

Leave me a comment

Back When I Was A Kid

Back when I was a kid, growing up in the 60‘s, we played in the dirt and created our own entertainment. We didn’t need to spend hundreds of dollars on the latest video game or iPhone, we were quite happy with a ball or even a stick. We had real, flesh and blood friends that we laughed, cried and fought with and we had each others backs. We had dreams. We had hope for our future.

We were fucking INVINCIBLE!

Slowly reality changes our views of the world and as I age I find myself saying shit my parents said. Terms like “the good old days” and “when I was your age” creep into your vocabulary.

Now our bodies rebel against us, becoming vengeful for a youth of abuse with jumping off of things we shouldn’t have been jumping from and the daredevil prat falls  we used to take. Our body has learned to talk to us through a combination of aches, pains and noises it never used to make before 40 years of age. THAT seems to be the age when shit started going downhill, the age I discovered I could no longer read a Trivial Pursuit card without the use of a magnifying glass or bifocal lens.

Oh how the times have changed. Everything around us, things are going fucking looney tunes crazy and it just keeps getting worse and worse with every passing year. People are walking around carrying guns - like in the old west - just waiting for someone to cut them off in traffic or look at them funny...or maybe just be different so they can draw down on them, always ready for a good ole shoot-em-up.

What the fuck happened? Why the hell do people feel the need to carry a gun with them? In all the years of my life - and I have been in some touchy situations - I can never think of one time where looking back, having a gun would have helped.

Not once. EVER!

But I get how people are afraid right now. The world we live in has become a scarey and unpredictable place, I get that, but STILL I cant imagine EVER getting myself in a position to warrant gun play.

Even when I see a growing number of afraid, armed people walking around.

Leave your comments below but first, show your love and buy a coffee mug.

I F'n Love Reverend Zesty on Secular Tv

A Public Service Announcement

 Basically this means to just for the person to stop everything he/she is doing and find the nearest gun, point it under their chin and pull the trigger. That way they will no longer bother you and you can get some peace and quiet without their pure bullshit spewing from their mouths. If one continues you to harass you after you say this, you legally have the right to make them discover what your fist tastes like. They cannot sue you for any reason.

Latin origins of GO Fuck yourself: goeth fucketh yourselfus 

Pull Up Your Britches

Coming down to The Ozarks after living in Chicago for so long was a bit of a culture shock in meeting a few of the folks down here. As in Chicago, we have our fair share of crazy but its more of a fun crazy here.

Most noticeable is the way these rednecks talk down here. (I use the term redneck with the utmost respect) The dialect. The slowness. The phrases. I told Sue that the first time I say "y'all" she has my permission to hit me....HARD...with a fucking hammer.

I was in a Walmart (Im embarrassed to admit but there are 11 of the fuckers in this town) and a sales clerk in the electronics section said this to me.

"Iffin youd be more spific bout what you be askin I might be able to help youins out"

It was like my computer after a power surge. My brain just stopped for a split second and it took a while for the lights to come back on. I asked him to repeat himself a few times, feigning a mild stroke so he wouldn't think I was making fun of him which I was no doubt going to do for the remainder of the day.

I went out for a quick lunch at (appropriately) The Waffle House where I guess they were short staffed on servers that day where a waitress said to me:

"I'll be over yonder dreckly, y'all just hafta wait a minute"

I had to ask one of the locals to translate for me what the fuck she just said only to hear him say:

 "They're busier than a cat burying a shit today and that she was movin' quick for a woman sportin an ass two axe handles wide"

I just stood there in stunned silence, feeling a bit of drool sliding down my chin, with a glassy, vacant stare. I was shaken from my catatonic state by another concerned patron saying that I looked like "I was wound tighter thana banjo string" THATS when I decided it was time to go. Nothing good can come from a redneck thinking about a banjo.

I was "sweatin' like a whore in church" until I realized these were my people now. My friends. My neighbors. My townies. Even though I was looked at as being an outsider because I wasn't anyone's cousin, I was told I ALWAYS had an open invite to tag along when Snipe season opens next week.

And what sez being thankful more than attending a fest where live turkeys are dropped from an airplane circling overhead?

Leave me your comments below and be sure to check out The Beer Machine!

Are You Ready For Some Football

It's been a rather quiet Superbowl week compared to years past. Used to be that we would see teases of the advertising and there would be hype about half-time entertainment but all that, the once great pomp and circumstances, is suspiciously silent this year.

Those paying the high ad dollars this year are Wix.com, Snickers, Skittles, McDonalds, Dove and Dorito's. Katy Perry (WHO?) is the half-time performer. >yawn<

But I think there is also going to be a football game being played as well. Seahawks and Patriots lock horns with Tom Brady trying to keep The Hawks from repeating. Should be a pretty good game despite the lackluster commercials and half-time show.

It seems this year what seems to be dominating the news stories revolves around The Patriots and their under inflated balls.

So if I was a betting man I would pick Seattle in what I see (and hope) to be a great game.

ESPN's Take On Superbowl

Banned Ad for 2015

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Just Gonna Put An Out Of Order Sign Around My Neck And Call It A Day

I'm tired. Not sleepy tired but just need to sit back and relax, thinking about nothing at all.

Mexicans call this time I seek a siesta. My grandfather called it a nap and I'm a HUGE fan of naps. I actually have the time scheduled in my day planner to do this today. That might sound silly to some but its just as important as the meetings I have scheduled this afternoon. Taking time to recharge is vital in peoples lives, especially after turning 50. Its AMAZING how even 15 minutes invigorates the body, mind and soul.

Plus Im a lazy hippie. Napping is what us slackers do best. Thankfully, I dont have to worry about

having a j.o.b. to get in my way. Bosses are so NOT understanding when they used to catch me sleeping in my cubicle.

I realize this is a luxury that most people cant relish because they got caught up somewhere along the way into irking out a meager living and hating their place of employment. Then they go home to a equally miserable spouse because they do the same damn thing so when they see each other, well I wouldn't exactly call it "quality time."

Dont get me wrong, I work quite hard on Intellectual Coitus and being Reverend Zesty, but the difference is that I do what I want, when I want and have no boss to answer to. I made a job for myself and that affords me the freedom and independence to do just that. I cant understand why everyone doesn't do things like that.

A recent poll has revealed that 75% of the workforce HATE their jobs. Imagine that. Waking up every damn day dreading the vast majority of your day. Is it any wonder why people are such miserable, hateful assholes?

It doesn't surprise me one bit.

Seems to me that if you are the least bit different, in view, thoughts, skin color, sexual orientation, where you live or how you live, from another person, you are fuel to this persons hateful flame of indignation. These same people ingrain their hateful, nasty, mean spirit into their kids as well so guess what? Hate becomes their legacy.

So what are MY personal defenses against the hate in the world we occupy? How do I keep a smile on my face and a song in my heart?

Weed and alcohol. Not that Im in a perpetual state of intoxication, I DO practice moderation with my habits, but it helps me remain relatively calm in the face of peoples batshit craziness. THAT works for me.

Check out the offer below and leave your comments.

Coming Home

I will be hosting the Intellectual Coitus podcast with Blog Talk Radio again. The reason for this is because they offer more bang for the buck and is simple to use. I also have the ability to take calls if I so desire in the future.

My first show on the BTR network will be Thursday at 3PM CST, however you can listen and/or download anytime. Intellectual Coitus on Blog Talk Radio

I am excited about this project and your feedback is greatly appreciated. My email address is revzesty@gmail.com

Also I IMPLORE YOU to sign up for my monthly eZine that debut's with the February issue. 

SUBSCRIBE HERE

The Podcast

Here's the current hosting site for the podcast. Looking for a few more but you can hear the show here.

Intellectual Coitus Podcast

I appreciate you're listening. This has been an incredible month and a grand start to a new year. A year that will bring health and prosperity.

Weed

Comics like Joe Rogan should be applauded for his vocal stance on marijuana legalization. Weed people have come an awful long way in the last few years and although there are countless pro-marijuana comics, the work done by the activists deserve a pat on the back as well. 

I too am vocal about my marijuana use. To classify pot with heroin and cocaine is ridiculous and typical of this ass backwards government. I not only think it has tremendous medical benefits but I enjoy it in a social setting as well. 

I find that this makes me a criminal upsetting. Those of us who do consume weed - and there are a bunch of us - are all criminals. This includes police officers, judges, firemen, politicians, doctors, lawyers, athlete's, actors, actresses, presidents of corporations, owners of small business, mothers, fathers, grandparents..... ALL CRIMINALS!

Even this guy:

“The illegality of cannabis is outrageous, an impediment to full utilization of a drug which helps produce the serenity and insight, sensitivity and fellowship so desperately needed in this increasingly mad and dangerous world.”
- Carl Sagan

There's not enough jails, or resources to justly keep marijuana as something illegal. Just makes no sense. Not one bit.

It seems that "Vaping" is popular. This is where concentrated marijuana is smoked with a Vaping Pen (as available through the banner above) Tried it and enjoyed it but, for me, there is nothing quite like the smell of goods.

I made this post just because

New Show Tomorrow

What?

Thursday already?

Seems like we had one seven days ago...DAMN!

Feel the love!

Reverend Zesty On Secular TV

I am pleased to announce the partnership of Reverend Zesty and Secular TV!

In February, Reverend Zesty will be hosting a web based weekly show. At this point the voices in my head are still working up the creatives so STAY TUNED and help us grow.

This has come together wonderfully. The blog, the podcast, the magazine and now a weekly video show. You might ask "why" i'm doing all this. What's in it for me? Well, follow this train of thought...

I have seen some crazy shit on the internet and I have seen people take their projects to a level where it is their job. They figure out a way to make some money with it and start gaining popularity taking their cause or "schtick" to an even HIGHER level.

And if you can follow that, we are on the same page. So come with me. Join me on this journey. When we land - wherever that might be - then you can say "you knew me when..."

But don't fret. Fame and fortune will not change who I am. Sure I might drive a new car and live in a castle and request people call me King BUT I will ALWAYS remember the little guy I step on to get to the top.




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The Provenance Project

Intellectual Coitus is the product of my wants. My want to draw attention to myself. My want to vent. My want to be silly. My want to entertain and to make people laugh.

My wants pale in comparison to the wants of some others though. Some people "want" a roof over their heads, a safe place to sleep and the want for a helping hand. Sometimes a helping hand is what is needed to make a difference in peoples lives.

But where does one go for such help? Communities across America have programs and assistance available to those in need. The problem is that these programs are not advertised, promoted or even talked about, so people are being left to their own druthers (whatever the fuck a druther is)

Enter The Provenance Project.

It is my thought that there should be a directory of resources available to give folks that helping hand. From the local level all the way up to federal programs, be it for homeless prevention, medical issues, feeding the hungry or other social programs for the emergency person or debt assistance, personal finances or just personal guidance - there are programs and strategies available that can give people a step up from their current life situations.

I am also developing "The Compass Program" to give people some direction for their lives. Goal setting, budgeting, personal development and one on one mentoring are just some of the things that will be made available.

It doesn't matter what your position currently is. What matters most is your destination. I want to help you reach it. It's been said that to achieve ones goals, dreams and desires, help someone achieve theirs and that is my philosophy for 2015 (and beyond)

Intellectual Coitus and Reverend Zesty will be the way I will gain exposure for these endeavors.

But an undertaking of this magnitude requires some assistance itself. I need YOUR help. What I'm looking for is resources that you know of in your community. I want to publish as many means as I can locate. I also need you to help me promote Intellectual Coitus by telling your friends and family about it. Word of mouth or the 21st century "word of mouse" is a great way to get the exposure I am looking for.

Also, if you can help support the show by buying a t-shirt or any merchandise at my online store it would be greatly appreciated. The couple of bucks I make from the proceeds go a long way.

For more information on The Provenance Project or to send me some resources, my email address is revzesty@gmail.com

My goal is to do my part in helping improve our world, one person at a time.

JE SUIS ZESTY!

I take tragedy - like the shootings last week in Paris for example - and make tasteless jokes. I do this as a way of coping because if I cant find something insane and absurd in a situation that in and of itself is insane and absurd, I would go nuts. Im not just talking fun nuts Im referring to the type of nuts that would turn into a burning hatred for not just the batshit crazy fucking maniacs that perpetrated these violent acts but everyone that resembles them.

It seems that every time you turn around some crazy motherfucker is on some insane rampage of some sort and innocent people die. Some people that were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. So it would be irrational to believe that a certain type of person deserves my hatred, my wrath, my madness, my rage, my displeasure, my indignation, my ire, my resentment or my vengeance. This heinous act was performed by a group of extremists that in the grand scheme of things dont add up to much of nothing. This kind of shit goes on every day by assorted whack-a-loons all over this planet.

And the one common denominator that ties them all together?

Religion. Religion and their preposterous, ridiculous, demented and foolishly crazy religious beliefs.

People fucking died that day - people that got up and started their day as we all have, as we do every day - over a cartoon. Families are devastated and broken. Widows were made that day. Children lost parents. They have bit the big one, taking a long dirt nap, they have cashed in their chips, they bought the farm, their lives have come to a sticky end. They have kicked the bucket and are pushing up daisies. Their number has come up and they have retire to that big comicon in the sky.

All over a fucking cartoon.

All because of their distorted belief in god. This is nothing new though. Religion has been killing people for centuries and its not just the Muslims, all religions have their tales of their mad hatter followers. Even christianity with their charlatan televangelists and kiddie fiddler priests. But as I stated before, these are acts of the extreme.

This is one reason why I became a minister. You see I HAVE studied religion, god and the various worlds religions. They all somewhat give the message of peace and love and thats a good thing right - who can bitch about peace and love? But its the crazier than a shit house rat things that come along with the peace and love message that fuck the whole concept up. Its the Charles Manson shit that gets people to go “wellllllllll, you almost had me for a second.... but this shits just too fucked up, Im outa here”

When the fuck are we going to wake up? IF we were truly put here by some benevolent creator and IF we truly believe we have been made in His holy image then explain to me why we are so fucked up as people? Is god REALLY an insecure, whiney crybaby that throws temper tantrums when he doesnt get his way? Because we are. Have you ever had a religious discussion between faiths? HOLY FUCK if one was to challenge anothers religious beliefs, shit would hit the sanctified fucking fan.

As the nations only practicing agnostic preacher, I find the message from religion to be FAR from being godlike. The archaic man made rituals, the blatant hypocrisy, the judgementalness, the attempted control over one another - a supreme being cannot be satisfied if WE are the result of his work.

Im reminded of a story of a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Dumbass, I sent you two fucking boats!"

So someone draws a cartoon that depicts the prophet Muhammed as being a pedophile. So fucking what. He WAS one. Everyone was back then. They were animals and surely not scholars of the time. They were superstitious peasants. Is this a reason to kill a mother fucker?

Intellectual Coitus Magazine

I will be launching a monthly Intellectual Coitus magazine in February 2015.

Perhaps I can piss off some religious group and become famous too.

STAY TUNED!

The Eve of a New Show

I dont think people realize that I put my heart and soul into making these podcasts. I'm not bitching about it, I'm doing something that I love doing.

Bitching. Making people laugh (hopefully) by making an ass of myself.

The foul mouthed agnostic preacher, Reverend Zesty.

But the reason I do this is to draw attention to what I take serious. The Provenance Project. Pretty weighty undertaking but I want to build a database/directory of nationwide community resources for those in need, generally low income folks looking for a helping hand or maybe some guidance through The Compass Program. A mentorship program to help guide people to a certain life's destination.

To help fund these programs, partial profits from the proceeds of my beginning merchandising efforts will help build this into something magical.

Intellectual Coitus and Reverend Zesty Merchandise

Intellectual Coitus Limited Edition Commemorative T-Shirt

Can you see my dream of where I want to take this? For more details or information on how you can join me in my efforts to change our piece of the world email RevZesty@gmail.com

THANK YOU for listening to the show and your support. Without you guys I would just be talking to myself

SUCCESS!

The first show was a success with the number of listeners and subscribers still climbing. Thank you for listening and I hope you listen again and give me a chance to win over your hearts.

I will be releasing new shows every Thursday and this weeks show is about half way done with production and it is already cracking me up. Constant and Never Ending Improvement. Thats my work ethic.

I also want to start doing YouTube videos as well. Perhaps in a week or two.

My message is quite simple. I hope to use humor to entertain and my mindset to share in the greatness of life.

Flu Shots

Have you all had your flu shots yet this year?

I always question the sanity behind this and a recent story out of my town Springfield, MO., kinda backs up my opinion about them.

The story that was on my local news stated that the flu is at epidemic proportions and that ER's are seeing 3 times as many patients complaining of flu symptoms as last year and that over 50% of patients treated have had a flu shot.

I might sound old fashioned here but if I'm going to take preventive medicine for an ailment I DONT WANT TO BE STRICKEN WITH SAID AILMENT! This bit of information tells me that either the flu shots are shit and not effective or that getting the flu shot actually caused patients to get the flu. Either way I would be demanding a refund.

The media is of no help. They are the ones telling people they must get their flu shots and that if you dont you are running the risk of death. People are just eating the shit that is being fed to them. For some reason people apparently have lost the ability to think for themselves.

The government is in on the action too as evidenced by the disgusting video above. When did people start freaking out over getting a case of the sniffles? Personally, I would be fucking embarrassed to go into an emergency room for this, when the guy they brought in by ambulance in the next bay just had a heart attack.

But if you want to get sick, sure as shit, the best place to pick up a bug IS the ER. Oh yeah, I have seen some shit going on in emergency rooms. The people cleaning up after patient discharge are not the standard bearers of cleanliness and they do a lackluster job at best.

So WHY subject yourself to this? Why expose yourself to sickness and disease?

Because you were told to by your favorite friendly media douche bag.

Here's a novel idea for you. Try eating healthier. Americans have the single worst dietary habits and are personally responsible for the condition of their health. I am guilty of this myself. So while you are making resolutions for 2015 add EAT HEALTHY to the list of things you have no intention of doing.

Hold yourself accountable

Intellectual Coitus Debut Episode!

When people donate to religious groups, it's tax-deductible. Churches don't pay property taxes on their land or buildings. When they buy stuff, they don't pay sales taxes. When they sell stuff at a profit, they don't pay capital gains tax. If they spend less than they take in, they don't pay corporate income taxes. Priests, ministers, rabbis and the like get "parsonage exemptions" that let them deduct mortgage payments, rent and other living expenses when they're doing their income taxes. So why the fuck wouldn't you want to become a minister?
- Reverend Zesty

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