Tonight's State of the Union

Tonight our illustrious and fearless leader takes the stage to talk about the shape our country is in and oh what a show he has planned for us.

Anyone who is anybody will be in attendance. Congressmen, senators, pages and prostitutes - both democratic and republicans, sitting on opposite sides of the theater of course - all on the edge of their seats, hanging on his every word.

Behind him will be our vice president, "Angry" Joe Biden, and house speaker John “The Crier” Boehner, both probably looking a bit constipated and uninterested.

The democrats on hand will interrupt the president numerous times throughout the night with rousing applause and cheers at his accomplishments this past year, while the republicans sit, arms folded tightly across their bosoms, looking like they are ready to fight at the drop of a hat. Its the show of shows on the grandest stage of them all. It’s the Wrestlemania event of political theater.

And like a true Wrestlemania event, with cameras rolling, the faces and the heels will do their best to appear rueful of the opposing team, with republicans refusing to clap or to give a standing ovation to what has just been puked forth by our President but behind the scenes, once the cameras are turned away, they stroke each other to a messy climax.

Like wrestling, the State of the Union address is very predictable...and phony...so I thought that if you are forced to do your Patriotic duty and watch this shit, you might as well make a game of it.

A DRINKING game - it IS the American way of course.

There are many versions of this game and rules vary, but one thing is certain. By the time Obama walks away from the podium and meanders through the audience shaking hands and kissing babies, your party will be bombed off your asses. Which come to think of it is appropriate with current and past presidential accomplishments.

Here’s how we play at MY house:

First of all, we drink beer. Domestic NOT import (DUH!) Also, in honor of Colorado and other state’s relaxing of marijuana laws, weed is involved. Last year we tried doing bong rips whenever Obama made a karate chop gesture with his hand. This year however that aspect of the game will be changed because he made that move 46 fucking times in his last speech.

Instructions include:

- Taking 1 sip whenever Obama praises another economic power like the European Union or Israel --- Taking 2 sips if Biden doesn't laugh when Speaker John Boehner whispers something to him.

- NEW RULE for 2015 -you must completely drain your glass if Obama says the word “racism”, or mentions Ferguson MO.

- You have to drink for the entire duration of Rep. Nancy Pelosi's hug with Obama,
- Bounce a quarter into a shot glass whenever he says "free education"
- Take a hit of weed for "gas prices."
- If you're a Democrat watching the State of the Union with Republicans, make them drink whenever Obama gets a standing ovation.

To makes things competitive, break of into teams! Give them separate word lists like team A  has to drink whenever Obama says "Congress," "Iran," "health" or "challenge." Team B drinks at the mention of "opportunity," the "future," "work" and the "military."

At least this will make the night interesting and the mess we clean up tomorrow will be of our own doing.